Getting Dirty DNF Review -- New Adult Termination Letter

Getting Dirty | Mia Storm
Genre(s): New Adult, Contemporary
Pages: 228
Published: March 19, 2015
Edition: Kindle
Source: InkSlinger PR
Rating: -1



Dirty
A poem by Blaire Leon

If sex is dirty, why would I do it with someone I love?
If sex is dirty, then didn’t we all come from the dirt?
What if I like the dirt?
What if I want to get dirty?
What if I want to roll in the mud until I’m so fucking filthy that I’ll never be clean again?

When twenty-five-year-old graduate assistant Caiden Brenner asked Blaire Leon how old she was, she said she was a senior. He chose to believe she meant in college. They connect over Lord Byron’s Don Juan and, as their conversations become increasingly thicker with sexual innuendo, Caiden finds himself obsessing over a totally off-limits undergrad who’s bold, beautiful, brilliant, and one of the most passionate poets he’s ever met.

But it turns out Blaire hasn't been totally honest. She's the seventeen-year-old valedictorian of her high school class, taking courses at Sierra State while awaiting her acceptance to Stanford.

Will Caiden get too deeply into Blaire to back away before he finds out the truth? Or will their connection be enough to seduce him into risking his entire future on Jail Bait?

I received a review copy courtesy of the author/publisher. This does not affect my opinion or views regarding the book whatsoever.


Dear Getting Dirty,
After reading over your material, I Tika from the New Adult Genre Association, has decided to terminate your NA license. I was able (not without a struggle) to reach 38% of your script before I've had enough and was forced to call it quits. You've put in a great amount of effort, but unfortunately, Getting Dirty was far from the tea I enjoy drinking. As of May 19 2015, your termination will be put into effect IMMEDIATELY. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact Tika @fangirlconfessions, or visit our website at www.newadultgenreassociation.com

SEE PAGE 2 FOR REASON(S) OF TERMINATION 

(1) Mediocrity.
Here at TNAGA, we take our New Adult novels very seriously. With NA being what we specialize in, it is very easy for us to spot mediocre writing, plots, etc, from a mile away, (2 miles in my case). The writing wasn't as captivating as one would like, and the plot unfortunately has been done a thousand times over. With NA having the habit of being repetitive, it was quite disappointing to see that Getting Dirty added to that repetition, and because of this I had no patience to sit through a book that just didn't deliver on the level of my expectations.

(2) Insta-Attraction, Insta-Love.
As you read in your license contract, here at TNAGA we do NOT tolerate INSTA-ATTRACTION or INSTA-LOVE . . . anything beginning with INSTA to be frank. This was the deciding factor in your termination, especially since your characters fell in " like "  with each other within 24 hours of meeting. Even in fiction, we like our romances to have a slow-burn/build, and some depth and chemistry between the characters.

(3) Unbearable Characters.
The main reason why I was unable to continue reading this novel was because of the characters. Blaire was 16 dating a 24 year old, (no judgement but that is pretty weird) and while you attempted to sell her as this mature teenager, she read liked she belonged in a middle grade novel. She was quite ridiculous with her antics, and even more childish with her banter. Caiden was even worse, and while I was convinced he would be my knight and shining armor, saving me from my DNF urges, he actually pushed me closer to it. I expected for him to be wise and mature, especially since he was 24, yet I was introduced to an adult who could've passed for a 14 year old boy that just lost his virginity. Both were utterly pathetic.

(4) Plot.
In your " How To Execute The Perfect Plot In A New Adult Contemporary " pamphlet, page 29 column 3, " How Not To Put Your Eggs In The Cliche Basket " was the first exercise learned at TNAGA. A completion of atleast 85% was needed to remain in the program, unfortunately it is reported that you scored just below a 25%.

QUOTES THAT VIOLATED THE TERMS IN THE:  " No-No's Of Writing A New Adult Novel Student Handbook. "


She skips back into the seat next to me and pulls off her scarf, hooking an elbow behind the backrest and Christ, this is girl is going to be the fucking death of me. Her shirt is damp with sweat and there is definitely no bra.

Because apparently boobie sweat is sexy.

Growing up is a hell of alot easier when you've got parents that are just phoning it in. I never had to deal with shit my friends did. No groundings, No curfew. I can order pizza and eat in my room because no one's at the dinner table anyway. I can fuck in my own bed without anyone caring. I do what I want, when I want.

Blaire is 16 . . . and desperately needs an ass whooping. Just because her parents were absent, doesn't mean she has to act out this way. Not cute.

I take my duffel to the bathroom. I tug off my jeans and sweater and slip on a short black cotton skirt and snug white long-sleeved top. I'd never wear this at school-- mostly because I'm invisible there and like it that way-- but Caiden kissed me. We were close to doing more.

Blaire didn't wear that sexy outfit to school because she wants to remain invisible . . . right.

When I finish my homework, I pull open my laptop and open Youtube. I've never given head before. I've never wanted to. But Caiden makes me want to do everything. I type in " blow job ", and watch clips of girls with dildos giving instructions. I want to make Caiden feel good. I want to drive him crazy. I want him to want me. And I don't want him to think I'm inexperienced.

* Blinks. Blinks. Blinks. *

If you want to appeal this decision, please submit a " You Have Got To Be Kidding Me " form which is attached to this letter. Myself along with other board members at the association, will look over your testimony to see if another chance can be given. We will notify you in 24 months if a decision has been made to induct you back into the program. No phone calls or emails please.

Best Of Luck!
The New Adult Genre Association Head Bitch In Charge,
Tika.